The year 2018
This year was a big one. I already knew going into it that it would be a life changer with hitting the big 30 this year. To me age is more then a number. It has meaning to me. Each year was a life lesson I learned and going into my 30 was huge for me mentally. In my eyes I truly became a adult and a new life chapter started. I rang in the new decade for me with a amazing week of events. Even was able to see one of my favorite bands play. Spent it with some great friends who made everything just special.
My acting took a big turn this year. I was lucky enough to have the lead in a few projects and huge supporting roles in a lot of other films. I was able to challenge some of my acting skills with new things, Different stunts and different types of roles. White Boy Rick came out this year. I was shocked at how much screen time I was giving. Seeing myself in the movies on the big screen with actors I grew up watching and loving was a experience I will always hold to my heart. 1015 Hollygrove Lane a short I was in showed me that I am on the right path with my acting. I was giving the script to that movie 18 hours before set and I flowed so good. And ended the year with a hard emotional role in a short film for a college student called Forgive me. Such a powerful Film. Many of the films I acted in went on a festival tour and where seen all around the world. I had a blast doing the music videos this year and I cant wait to do more those are always so much fun to film.
I did take a break from my modeling this year. I only did maybe 50 shoots all year which is very unlike me. Normally I like to have about 200 shoots under my belt for the year. Modeling is my passion,. I love to tell a story thru a photo. I did however take a look at what kind of modeling I really want to stick with. I have done it all and now want to just stick with the ones I enjoy the most. I am kind of stepping back from modeling now. It has been something I have been doing for 12 years now and just shot about everything I could ever want to. I have many more shoots left in me but I will not be going full force at them no more. I mostly want to build concepts and fetish model. I do want to step into fitness modeling this year. I think that would be fun. But I am going to stay in the business. I am hosting my 1st group shoot in February of 2019 and I am now writing for a modeling magazine called Midwest Models Magazine. I write for them in a column called The Ember Files. I will be also hosting a model workshop this upcoming year. Just doing something different now with the art. Helping others make their art is why I model in the 1st place.
This year I traded stages. Finally decided I like to wear pants. So I hung up my stripper heels this time forever. I traded them in for a Mic. Nah not to sing that is saved for drunking nights with my friends . How about I finally started my stand up career. And so far so good. I have been doing it for a few months and it has been going great. I ended 2018 as the main opener for the main act. That was mind blowing. I love making people laugh. Stand up is hard. You have a million little eyes looking at you all thinking the same thing.. You better not waste my time. This has been something I have been talking about for bout 5 years now and finally had the balls to do it. But let me tell you I threw up 30 seconds before I went on stage the 1st time due to being scared. Best feeling in the world. So glad I did it finally.
Another big change came with heart break. Leaving a toxic relationship was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. When you love someone you miss or just look pass the signs that show you why you should not be together. You stop listening to your gut and try to think with your heart. I learned a lot this year about what a healthy relationship should be. I learned a lot this year about what I wanted for my future with someone. And this year I decided I am no longer going to take anyone's shit and started to finally stand up for myself. Heart break is the worst pain in the world. There is nothing to heal it but time and moving on. Moving on is such a hard thing when you have years under your belt. I never thought I could love or trust again. I even thought I would not heal. Thru all that darkness I lost myself. I didn't know this new person who looked me back in the mirror. And to tell the truth I did not like her at first. I had to learn to relove myself which I think was the 2nd hardest thing I had to go thru this year. When you are some one for so long and you lose a part of you that makes you well you … you forget how to breath. I had a long road that I traveled to get to where I am today and I still have a long road to keep moving down. I learned that you never stop growing as a person and you have to learn to be yourself.
Thru all that darkness I met someone. By chance. This man was the light in my darkness. I like others after a heart break feel you will never be loved again by how damaged you are. But it is true there are many more fish in the sea. Take your time getting to know one other. And be honest. Enjoy learning the little things about one other and celebrate everything you can. Laugh joke make love be lazy together just enjoy one other. I never thought I could trust again or wanted to love again. But he walked into my life and changed it all for me. I am not going to get all sappy here but I am thankful for him.
2018 was a hard year for me. So many changes which at the time I thought I would not make it thru. But here I am closing out 2018 stronger now then ever and ready to head into 2019 at full blast. I have a job in what I went to school for my modeling career is changing up, my stripping career is finally over and my acting is well just look for me all over the place soon. :)
To my fans friends supporters and everyone who has worked with me in the past and this year. Thank you. Just thank you so much for helping me thru the rough patch, and supporting my art. Without all of you. I would not be where I am today. Thank you for giving me a chance to make art and express it with everyone!!!! Happy New year everyone!!!!